The Collapse of Hyrule Castle
by yahoo4democracy
Summary: King Harkinian isn't doing as great as he could be as both the leader of Hyrule and master of his household. He cannot help but be impulsive and rash in such a way that he is either always cleaning up his own mistakes or getting someone else to do it. Link, Zelda and Gwonam are concerned but try to stand by the King to show loyalty. But can they be patient with his antics forever?


Prologue

"I must have that item you're keeping from me!" whined Gwonam, the Court Magician and Secret Agent of Hyrule. "You'll have to catch me first!" the King of Hyrule taunted. As Gwonam chased him out of the throne room into the halls, the King had to dodge his own bewildered guards along the way, some of which tried to slow Gwonam down by getting in his way to protect the King. The King saw a small empty corridor to his left and darted straight into it. Now that there was no-one nearby anymore, Gwonam came even more close to catching him than ever before. The King looked behind him and saw Gwonam grinning like the Cheshire Cat. Then Gwonam just stopped his pursuit and stood there, which caused the King to stop too, wondering why Gwonam had called off the chase. Then the King looked in front of him.

"OAH!", the King cried out! "YOU'VE TRAPPED ME!"

Gwonam had cornered the King into a dead-end. "HAR-HAR-HAR!", he laughed. "It must be shitty to be you, Your Majesty!", he taunted.

Then Gwonam took it up a notch. He took out a dagger that he'd pickpocketed from one of the guards, made him remove his robe and rummaged through it. He found a small brown folder marked 'SECRET' and waved it around triumphantly. "Whatever's in here might confirm exactly what I've suspected about the skeletons in your cupboard!" Gwonam snarled. The King looked like he'd seen a ghost. He stood there staring into space like a veteran with PTSD. Gwonam was satisfied at how perfectly his awful scheme worked.

"_**OOOOOAAAAAH!**_", the King screamed at the top of his voice! It was then that the King heard his alarm ringtone go off. He woke up in a flash, sweating and panting in bed from his lingering terror as the sounds of him erotically moaning to the tune of 'Baby' by Justin Bieber blasted out at full volume from his mobile. Still reeling from his nightmare, he couldn't at all work out whether it was even real or not. After getting his bearings on his surroundings and taking a few deep breaths to calm down, he fumbled around for his phone on the bedside cabinet, brought it near to him, swiped the 'X' button on the touchscreen to stop his erotic groan alarm, and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank fuck that never happened, my whole life would be ruined if that ever got out," the King said to himself in relief. "I'd never be able to show my face in public again, I'd need to become a bloody hermit. Uurgh!" He looked again at his mobile. "Says 12:25 AM here. Why did I even set the alarm at this time of night?" he wondered. "Oh wait, it's got its own name right here!" The King read out the name it displayed in the middle of the screen. "Finish… snack… SNACK?! Where's this snack that it mentions?!", the King exclaimed excitedly. Then a half-eaten pile of unfinished chicken legs, chocolates and biscuits scattered on his blanket in front of him caught his sight.

"Mmmmm… time to devour all this food!" the King muttered hungrily. He put his phone down and dragged the food closer, messing up his blanket with grease and chocolate stains and crumbs in the process. Then the King stuffed loads of it into his mouth every single bite, so much that he had to forcefully shove the food in with his hands just so it would all fit in. He noisily guzzled all the way through, not even bothering to keep his mouth closed during his binge-eating. Anyone who heard this would think it was a farm animal being sick. A half an hour later he had finally finished, and got more mess on himself than on his blanket thanks to his poor table manners.

"That was bloody tasty! God, I'm so wealthy! Can't think of anyone else who can afford to eat the amount of food I do!", the King boasted, gazing proudly at his ten safes and ten treasure chests covering the whole back wall of his room. "But how am I going to fund Hyrule's healthcare now? All of the money that went to buying this castle's food supplies came out of its budget! It's been completely penniless for a week… I'll have to think about the best way to refill its coffers." the King thought to himself worriedly.

"Well, I'll just abolish every welfare program except for disability benefits so I can put the cash gained from that into healthcare!" the King decided. "But I'm not looking forward to when people start a revolution over that like they did last time I had to do this. The unwashed masses can be so selfish!" he moaned hypocritically. "Good thing I've got my great Army headed by Link to put them down!" The King looked at a photo on his bedside table with a satisfied smile. It showed his daughter, Princess Zelda, destined to inherit the throne when he died. She had her arms around Link, the General of the King's Army and Hero of Hyrule who nearly all the women loved keenly. Unluckily for them, Link clearly had his heart set on Zelda and so did Zelda with Link, who was giving her a big kiss in return.

Then King Harkinian was brought out of his entranced gaze by his phone ringing. It played the King's own hit single, 'I Love Dinner!', that he made as a musician before he became the King. He frantically looked around for his phone, finally found it on the floor after it had rung for a minute, picked it back up and answered the caller.

"Hello? Who's this?" he asked.

"Bruv? Listen! Duke Onkled's out to get me!"

"Your husband? Lady Alma, it's the middle of the night, I'll have to call you back later, sis."

"But this is urgent… He's really mad! He came home stoned at midnight and went to the kitchen by himself! I can see him through a small gap in the door… he's stroking a knife…"

"Fine, I'll send Link over, just leave me alone!"

The King hung up on her, activated Link's emergency alarm by transmitting 'ALMA IN DANGER' in Morse code using a telegraph in his drawer, and finally went back to sleep.


End file.
